its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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