Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
