Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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