Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
