I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
