He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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