I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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