My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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