Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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