Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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