every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
