so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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