I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So vagazzling was a success
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
