oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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