My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
