before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
