My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He better not be in your backpack
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
