Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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