end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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