ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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