imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
