I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The power of my boobs compel you
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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