Don't make out with my wife yet
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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