I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i drank out of a bidet.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
