Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The convent might be a nice break from real life
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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