Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
