I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
