Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
