hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
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He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
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Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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