Got a toothbrush?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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