oh god the rape fog is back!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
