I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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