he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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