i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
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A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm bleeding and have questions
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