her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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