I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
