Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I could make wine with my vomit
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
