remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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