i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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