Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
