The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I would fuck him just for his dog
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
