I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
