I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
