Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
