He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
