..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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