i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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