She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
