I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
