that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
