So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
