it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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