We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the day after is always just damage control
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
