we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i jhust puked up my retainher.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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