I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
