i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
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he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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