so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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