Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
