so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dear god my vagina.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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