I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
