I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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