walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
