we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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