areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
