He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
