I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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