you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
