Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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