His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
