is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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